Trauma and Autonomy

Lately, a new symptom has arisen where certain medical terms, images, etc... will trigger a total loss of autonomy. Involuntary action as a response to stimuli is very disempowering.

In Occultism we talk often about the separation of the Conscious and Subconscious minds. We're a composite creature made up of body, mind, spirit, etc... The Guph, the Nephesh, the Ruach, the Nashama, the Yekhida, are all separate parts of what makes us, us.

So where does trauma come in? It seems to me, from my reading and my experiences, that it might actually be a wound in the Guph. The autonomic nervous system reacts first, and only later does it fill in a report to the conscious mind. The amygdala triggers the Vagus Nerve and responds, cutting off and protecting the conscious mind (medial frontal cortex) in order to keep us safe.

This is great if we're touching a hot stove, or encountering a tiger, or stepping on a pin, but not so great when that system has been wired to something that isn't actually all that dangerous.

My hope is, though, that this is a wound of the Nephesh, existing in our astral and subconscious existence. Part of our mind is still trapped in the moments of trauma, and part of us has been trained to respond to stimuli as a dire threat. If this is part of the Nephesh, then it's more likely to be repairable, though brain plasticity does last longer than we ever thought possible. It's not true that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, it just takes longer.

I'm also wondering whether Simple PTSD and Complex PTSD are different processes. With Complex PTSD we have learned something through repeated exposure as opposed to Simple PTSD which happens in a single moment of experience. In our Occult tradition, we often train the mind and brain in various ways. Meditation, ritual, recitation, and memorization all act to alter or program the mental pathways and functions of our subconscious mind and brain. Every martial artist who has had the experience of reacting first and thinking second knows how deeply ingrained the forms can become through repeated practice.

The key seems to be in finding ways to reprocess trauma. EMDR uses eye movement to trigger the dream reprocessing circuitry of the brain so traumatic memories can be reprocessed into historical artefacts that are part of your life narrative, and not something your brain thinks is still happening.

When these triggers hit I have the very real sensation of being shoved out of the way. My conscious mind is pushed aside because the brain's primary goal is self-preservation and cognition could take too much time. It's quite frightening to experience that loss of autonomy, even though it's only for a second or so.

It can be very difficult to rebalance oneself after such an experience, especially if they seem to keep happening. Some triggers appear to be far more ubiquitous than I'd ever realized.

I'm not yet sure how to approach this yet since I can't even get near the triggers in thought or word or deed without being shoved out of the way by the sub-c. Although it is fascinating to actually feel that system work, to have that visceral experience of consciousness being a separate entity from the rest of the body, it's also quite frightening and extremely frustrating at the same time.